In part 4 here, we will conclude our look at these challenges with the idea that women are more nurturing and better healers than men. You can look at the original three posts here (1,2,3).
Are women more nurturing than men?
The answer to this one is hard to pin down. Certainly there is a lot of variation depending on a persons personality. I’m not a psychologist, so I won’t delve into the inner workings of the gender-based mind. What I can say is that a most people, male or female, must have some kind of nurturing bent to enter this profession. Sure, I have seen some that just don’t seem to get it, but they don’t last long. Ideally someone should have clued them in before they spent a lot of money in education for a career that won’t work for them. However, opening oneself can be a process, so we can’t just write people off.
I would venture to generalize that the men who enter the field of massage therapy really do have a desire to help. Men have a different kind of energy about them. It is easy to think that males tend to have a more yang healing energy about them, but I have known incredibly nurturing male therapists before. I also know plenty of clients that once they have experienced a truly good male therapist don’t want to go back because they prefer the uniquely male energy.
Culture can have a huge impact on this as well. Traditional gender roles paint women with the nurturing, motherly brush, which certainly works in their favor in this profession. It isn’t to say that men can’t be nurturing in Western culture, they just aren’t seen that way most of the time. Ironically, there is still a lingering perception that men are better than women in the more power-healer roles such as doctors. These attitudes are changing, but the impression can seem like women are making more headway in the medical professions than men are in the nurturing ones.
Since the public perception persists that women are better healers, what can men do about it in a profession like massage therapy?
Diligent attention to professionalism is a must. I know I’ve belabored this point in this series, but it is so important. Often, people are really looking for any excuse not to buy your services, so why give them a reason on a platter? Professionalism is a skilled way of being welcoming, caring, and appearing competent in what you do. Make sure this is always on. Communicate and present that you do care and you are a healer. Walk the walk and talk the talk.
Recognize that not everyone has to like you. Not everyone will warm up to you as a male massage therapist, but they don’t have to. All massage therapy is a construct of trust, respect, and safety – a framework in which the healing happens. Some people just don’t click. As much as we are working to create standards so that a person can go to any therapist and receive the same level of care, it’s the relationships that make it work. Do your best to make everybody comfortable with you. Ask for the honest opinions of those closest to you. “Do I inspire trust?” “Do you feel safe around me?” Et cetera…
Put yourself out there. Realize that the business won’t just come to you. You need to take the first (and sometimes second and third) step in building relationships with your clients. A good first step is to get out there and get your hands on your clients. It’s harder to say a guy isn’t a good healer when you’ve felt the healing power of his hands.
Cultivate references and testimonials. Develop a body of evidence that you are a healer. Don’t be afraid to ask your clients for their opinion.
In Conclusion
So yes, male massage therapists do face challenges, but not insurmountable ones. With a little thought, a little preparation, professional skills, and the right attitude men can find the success they desire in this field.
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