The Challenges of Being a Male Massage Therapist 4

In part 4 here, we will conclude our look at these challenges with the idea that women are more nurturing and better healers than men. You can look at the original three posts here (1,2,3).

Are women more nurturing than men?

The answer to this one is hard to pin down. Certainly there is a lot of variation depending on a persons personality. I’m not a psychologist, so I won’t delve into the inner workings of the gender-based mind. What I can say is that a most people, male or female, must have some kind of nurturing bent to enter this profession. Sure, I have seen some that just don’t seem to get it, but they don’t last long. Ideally someone should have clued them in before they spent a lot of money in education for a career that won’t work for them. However, opening oneself can be a process, so we can’t just write people off.

I would venture to generalize that the men who enter the field of massage therapy really do have a desire to help. Men have a different kind of energy about them. It is easy to think that males tend to have a more yang healing energy about them, but I have known incredibly nurturing male therapists before. I also know plenty of clients that once they have experienced a truly good male therapist don’t want to go back because they prefer the uniquely male energy.

Culture can have a huge impact on this as well. Traditional gender roles paint women with the nurturing, motherly brush, which certainly works in their favor in this profession. It isn’t to say that men can’t be nurturing in Western culture, they just aren’t seen that way most of the time. Ironically, there is still a lingering perception that men are better than women in the more power-healer roles such as doctors. These attitudes are changing, but the impression can seem like women are making more headway in the medical professions than men are in the nurturing ones.

Since the public perception persists that women are better healers, what can men do about it in a profession like massage therapy?

Diligent attention to professionalism is a must. I know I’ve belabored this point in this series, but it is so important. Often, people are really looking for any excuse not to buy your services, so why give them a reason on a platter? Professionalism is a skilled way of being welcoming, caring, and appearing competent in what you do. Make sure this is always on. Communicate and present that you do care and you are a healer. Walk the walk and talk the talk.

Recognize that not everyone has to like you. Not everyone will warm up to you as a male massage therapist, but they don’t have to. All massage therapy is a construct of trust, respect, and safety – a framework in which the healing happens. Some people just don’t click. As much as we are working to create standards so that a person can go to any therapist and receive the same level of care, it’s the relationships that make it work. Do your best to make everybody comfortable with you. Ask for the honest opinions of those closest to you. “Do I inspire trust?” “Do you feel safe around me?” Et cetera…

Put yourself out there. Realize that the business won’t just come to you. You need to take the first (and sometimes second and third) step in building relationships with your clients. A good first step is to get out there and get your hands on your clients. It’s harder to say a guy isn’t a good healer when you’ve felt the healing power of his hands.

Cultivate references and testimonials. Develop a body of evidence that you are a healer. Don’t be afraid to ask your clients for their opinion.

In Conclusion

So yes, male massage therapists do face challenges, but not insurmountable ones. With a little thought, a little preparation, professional skills, and the right attitude men can find the success they desire in this field.

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The Challenges of Being a Male Massage Therapist 3

Part 3 of 4 (1,2,4)

Homophobia and Thinking Sex in Massage Therapy

Sexuality has no place in massage therapy. Or so we’d like it to be. We can no more leave our gender, sexuality, or identity at the door than we can leave our endocrine system. We are sexual beings and even when it isn’t sexual, it still is in part.

What I mean by that is that we have a lot more tied up in our sexuality than we realize. It falls into a much larger category of gender identity, which includes the roles we identify with men and women and ourselves in relation to them. It encompasses the culture we are part of, religion, and past experience. It colors our attitudes, beliefs, and morals. It is such an integral part of who we each are that it is a little ludicrous to think we can do any kind of holistic treatment without taking it into account.

We need to accept that it is there instead of denying it. Then we can do something about it and make sure that it isn’t the central issue in our sessions. practices, and careers.

Homophobia

In this series, we are talking about this from the perspective of men not wanting massage from other men, as that is much more the issue in our profession.

In practice, you can break this into two categories. At the extreme, you have men who will never get a massage from another man under any circumstances. Don’t waste your time trying to convince these guys, but talk to them anyway. Remember that no man is an island and they have friends and family that they talk to. They may never feel comfortable with getting a massage from you (it’s their issue, not yours), but that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t feel comfortable recommending someone else to you.

The other category is men who aren’t so adamant about it. They may never have had a massage from a man before, but this is often due to inexperience. Unfortunately, sometimes it is due to a bad prior experience with a male therapist as well. The key with these men is to pay extra attention to their comfort zone and don’t push their limits too much. I’ve had plenty of past clients (male and female) who commented after that I had completely changed their mind about getting massage from a man. Often men in this group will feel more comfortable receiving massage in a more clinical and less of a leisure capacity. Speak to them in terms of functional outcomes to make them feel more comfortable.

Make it easy and safe for your clients (and this goes for working with women as well). For massage rookies, usually disrobing is a point of distress. Tell them that they should only disrobe as far as they’re comfortable or that you can even work on them clothed (the Magic Massager works great for this). Mind your professionalism with a microscope and make sure that there is nothing in your speech, demeanor, or presentation that implies anything sexual about what you do.

Thinking About Sex

This is another common perception about men – that they are constantly thinking about sex. I’m not about to debate here whether this is true or not. I suppose it could be on a subconscious level that affects behavior, but it’s not really all that important.

What is important is that actions speak louder than words. The words are certainly important. Make sure that none of your words give any room for misinterpretation. However, you need to focus all of your attention on making sure that your actions scream professionalism, trust, respect, safety, and client-centeredness while leaving sex out of the equation.

Some women choose not to work with a male therapist simply because they don’t want sex to even be a possible issue, some because they may have experienced abuse in the past, some because they have body image issues and fear that a male will judge them, some because they don’t feel comfortable “letting it all hang out” in front of a man. There can be many legitimate reasons that a woman doesn’t wish to receive massage from a man. Of course, almost all of those reasons could make a person prefer a male as well. Although we strive to reduce gender preference, we will never eliminate it entirely. Understand it, reduce it, and work with it.

How do your friends talk about what you do?

An important thing that I see many MTs overlook is non-client communication. If you let your friends get away with joking around about what you do, you are tacitly condoning their inappropriate attitude. Make sure that you discuss with your friends some of these issues or they will be talking about the same inappropriate things about you to their friends. You have to emphasize and embody what you want your friends to say.

One of the main things I want to get across here is that an MT does not have to appeal to everybody. There are plenty of clients out there and the way the business is trending, there are many more to come. Find your niche and stop trying to be everything to everybody.

In part 4, we’ll take a look at the idea that women are more nurturing and better healers than men…

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The Challenges of Being a Male Massage Therapist 2

Part 2 of 4 (1,3,4)

The Problems

In the previous post, I mentioned four specific problems that impact male MTs. Job discrimination, homophobia, the impression that men are always interested in sex, and the impression that women are more nurturing and better healers.

Job Discrimination

As I mention before, I got passed over in at least one instance for a job because I am male. I’m sure every other male therapist has and will encounter this particular problem at some point. Many of the male students that graduate from my program get disheartened when they experience this – I have come to see it as an opportunity.

It’s not OK for massage businesses to perpetuate this gender gap. They see it as catering to their clients, but really it is just reinforcing a major problem in our field.

When I was fresh out of school, I went to work for a massage business called Equilibrium in San Francisco that was opened by two of my classmates, one of them male. As I would listen to them on the phone booking appointments I learned something – it is really up to the business the impression they give to their clients. When a client would call asking for a female, they would start in pointing out out all of my virtues and almost every time the session would be booked. And then out of those sessions, almost every time the client was very happy with the experience. How do I know? Because of all of the “I never thought I would get such a great massage from a guy” comments I received.

We need to work to change the lopsided preferences in our field, while accepting that some legitimate concerns do and will always exist (abuse, religion…)

So what can a guy do about this?

First of all, don’t be afraid to say something. I used to just let it go and move on, but I’ve learned over time that it is important to speak up. There seems to be a prevailing attitude out there that “that’s how it is” and the businesses go with the flow. Never pass up this opportunity to educate. It may not help you personally, but it will help all of the men out there in the profession. In this respect, we certainly all must work together to address this issue. We’ll all benefit in the end.

Secondly, accept that things won’t change overnight and some won’t ever change. Move on and look for a place to work where it won’t be as much of a struggle. Look for places that are more male-friendly; establishments that are more sports, clinical/medical, or deep tissue oriented. In this respect, sometimes men even have an advantage. Men still dominate in sports massage (Benny Vaughn mentions it in his Olympic massage blog) and the perception remains that men can perform better deep tissue work.

Almost all spas want to have at least one man on staff because they will get some male requests. Be aware that at some spas, those requests might not be enough to keep you busy.

Once you’re working, one of the best things you can do as a male is to make sure that whoever books the appointments is on your side and trained to promote you well. Believe it or not, I’ve seen places where they almost talk down about their male therapists! The scheduler is the person who can help you the most so get them on your side! Make sure that they have experienced the wonders of your work. Make sure that they understand the challenges you face as a male MT and that they know to steer more non-gender-specific appointments your way. Make sure that they know how to sing your praises because when a person calls to book their appointment, the scheduler becomes a testimonial. They get asked often “who’s good” and ideally you want them to say your name. Train them how to say, “Yes, I had the same fear about seeing a male at first, but after one session with Mike I don’t go to anybody else.” If you an get the scheduler to say that on your behalf, great! Now the ball is in your court to deliver!

Part 3: Homophobia and Thinking Sex in Massage Therapy

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The Challenges of Being a Male Massage Therapist 1

Several years ago, I responded to an ad calling for massage therapists at a small day spa. The woman on the phone was very polite when she told me that they had already filled the position. Out of curiosity, I had my wife call about the same position only ten minutes later. They wanted her to come down for an interview.

Men can sure face a lot of challenges in the massage business – job discrimination like I just mentioned is only one. Homophobia, the impression that men are always interested in sex, and the impression that women are more nurturing and better healers are other obstacles that men can face.

Am I advocating that this isn’t a profession for men?

Of course not.

All of these challenges can be dealt with, overcome, and sometimes even made into a non-issue. There are even some factors that work in men’s favor.

According to the latest surveys at ABMP and others, around 80-83% of the MTs out there are female. The good news is that in my experience far fewer than 80% of massage clients out there will only have work performed by a female therapist.

The Politics of Gender

As much as all of us would love to change massage into a gender-neutral profession (and of course need to endeavor to do so) the reality is that it is not. Massage by its very nature is an intimate experience, so attitudes about intimacy will always be a factor. For some people this is more of an issue than others and there is a large part of this that is based on past experience, culture, and learned attitudes. These attitudes can be changed, however, and it is important for male MTs to be pro-active about educating their clients about this.

I intend to write an entire post on the complexities involved in touch and communication since it has such a big impact on what we do.

The spa I mentioned above actually did something illegal. At the time I chose not to bother doing anything about it (I might do differently now). My school’s career services department fields many calls about externship sites where they only want female therapists as well. Although I could wish otherwise, that all massage businesses would take the high road and educate their clients that males aren’t evil, the truth is that many cave to the requests of their clients without even an attempt to steer their preferences. As a learning institution, we weed out extern sites and clients for our clinic that attempt to perpetuate the gender gap in our profession.

There is an interesting article from Massage & Bodywork Magazine on this subject, even though I have to disagree with some of the expert opinion expressed in it. (more on that later)

What’s Next…

These problems are not insurmountable and we’ll take a look at some strategies for male massage therapists to use to deal with them in part 2…

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